Stand with them, not "for them"
"Women are bound by their domestic responsibilitY hence may not justify critical roles" Remarked a gentleman
who also seemed to have a doubt upon the success of women lawyers as he claimed that not many female lawyers have made their mark in the legal profession. Really, Are we even rightful of questioning our women of success when "Equality" is still only a beautiful concept for us, when we known why are our women not given higher roles in organisations. Not that I particularly have a problem with the respected gentleman but the entire society that is responsible for where our women stand today and how they are perceived.
Driving all alone, early in the morning to a distant village in haryana through the rural landscape as the sun rises, I NOTICE men (Sitting mostly in their sheer Dhoti with/without Vest), cluster up around their hookah chattering, shamelessly gazing at the women (clad in dupattas with only the eyes mostly seen) with their earthen pots to be filled for the day or with loads of grass/firewood on their heads. I wonder, What is it that has compelled Us women to allow them authority/power over us. Could it just be the financial dependency/ social security?
In Turn, The cost paid is huge- The burden of Pride, The mental load to manage a whole little world in all practical sense, The duty to be appeasing at all times and most importantly the vulnerability that comes along it all.
Men have played it smart by placing themselves in the pilot's seat instructing the women that they need to wear the seat belt at all times, while the women were busy being dedicated and loyal to their roles, so much so that they happily accepted the boundation to ensure a smooth ride.
It is by default, still, with women proving their mettle in each role they take up, that they have to look after the household chores, the family's fulfillment, the hospitality etc. in spite of the fact that both the partners are equally qualified.
We fail our daughters every time we tell them to comply to the norms just because they're girls, we fail our girls every time we tell our boys not to cry like girls, we fail our women every time they're refused opportunities because they have responsibility, we fail our mothers every time we overlook our responsibility to share their mental load, we fail our sisters every time we expect them to adjust, we fail them whenever we decide for them.
Before I conclude I wish to ask that gentleman, did you stay back to look after the family and took up household chores si that your lady could do Justice to her individual caliber?
Let's not stand up "FOR THEM", instead stand up "WITH THEM". For a change, let there be men behind successful women. For a change, control your "manhood" instead of the woman.
"We fail our daughters ... we decide for them." Very well put. It is respect that is needed more than equality. I believe the day when a woman will start standing with as well as for another woman, respect will prevail in its true sense.
ReplyDeleteI want to take this opportunity to narrate this overwhelming incident:
My door bell tinkled. As I opened the door, I found two women standing there. One of them had an open register in her hand ready to jot down something. She introduced herself as a nurse from PGI and informed me that she was there as part of the Pulse Polio Day, and that she wanted some information regarding my family.
To begin with, she asked the name of the head of the family. I told her my name which she wrote on the top of the page. Then she asked my name and I repeated it. So, she cut it from above and wrote it in the lower line, and again asked for the name of the head of the family!
Here, I reinforced that I am the one as I am the breadwinner. Irritated, she just said, 'okay, okay,' and asked for my husband's name. As I told his name, she wrote it above against the head of the family title where lied my 'cut off' name and told me that only he could be the head of the family. My argument then continued for a while.
As another example, a child in this society is known by the father's name, while the woman, who had borne and brought up the baby from conception until forever, conveniently follows the norm! I haven't come across another woman except one feeling uncomfortable and questioning this one-sided tradition that has succeeded to even challenge the Nature.
I, too, stand for sensitizing the genders. If only we all start truly respecting each other, this world will be a heaven in real sense.
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Sumedha Singh
Beautifully narrated, your experience has resonance with the thoughts of most self contained women. It's time each one of us, unleashed their power.
Delete" Standing for them" was considered to be ideal parenting. All conscious and conscientious parents would go for helicopter patenting style, moral policing and instructing all the time till the child looses all thinking and observing capability, not only to talk of deciding power. Even in their fifties and above they would wait for instructions - the stereotype ones. This applies equally both to girls and boys. Boys wait for their wives to decide what they should wear -the role previously played by mothers. Wives depend on husbands for most outdoor tasks. " Standing by them" was considered to be giving too much leverage to spoil them. I have heard many parents repenting for giving opportunities to their children for higher studies because now they won't be there to support them in old age. Actually we are all Victims of Victims operating in a vicious cycle and the process will go on until at least one generation stands out and THINKS before repeating the history. No doubt it is high time now. We need to contemplate and reframe our beliefs thoughtfully,failing which the society will continue cursing the little girls only for being raped by headless monsters. I feel ashamed of being a part of such system. Wake up everybody. It's now or never.
ReplyDelete