Without

Teary eyes, blurred vision and a heavy heart make my hands tremble as I prepare to leave on my first overnight trip "without you" my little ones.
Four years have passed, since I had my first one and the joyride began, with so many duo trips but,  never could I afford to stay away from you and in the meanwhile came the second one. This quartet of years has flown by so swiftly, drenched in my motherly love,  that I, who has always been a free spirit never felt bound, for the bond was the most ecstatic.
Every time an occasion arose, where I anticipated a possibility of having to stay without you overnight, I deliberately pulled myself away from it. Each time, reminding myself, that one day it would be, I will have to carry on and so will you, on my own, on your own.  WITHOUT my presence
The day has come today as I have a duty to fulfill, will have to stay away from you for a couple of nights. This day, that I wish never came has come and I begin to prepare with a strong  head loaded with confidence, which melted into salty streams as I continued to pack up, with the both of you jollying around, your heavenly voices striking my reluctant ears. I may never be able to aptly express, how it feels, what goes within me at this moment , I don't even need to. In spite of all the judgement, that comes along with my tough decision, I don't wish to seek approval from ANYONE, for NO ONE, wil ever know how I feel today as I make effort to step forward with my feet so bulky. They've never felt so heavy, ever, so far, never have I fallen so weak that I don't wish to look up at you, fearing that you'll know.
I don't want you to know, for I wish to impart to you, my strength, my rock solid core, but never do I want you to see me weak, for its I that reflects in you, I've realised. However,  Desires are away from reality and the reality takes its own course.
I still desire that you know, I'm never away from you, I live within you as much as you've lived in me, since ever, till eternity.